My Bucket List

I am saying GOOD RIDDANCE to 2009 and in light of all that has happened this year I decide it would be a good idea to make my very own bucket list. Here goes nothing:

1. Fall in love.
2. Swim with sharks.
3. Travel & see the world.
4. Swim in a tub full of GREEN jello. (the green part is important, I have no idea why.)
5. Learn to play the guitar.
6. Get my degree.
7. Have my own classroom.
8. Learn to snowboard.
9. Learn to ride a motorcycle.
10. Learn to scuba dive.
11. Visit the historic temples.
12. Take a church history tour.
13. See a show on Broadway.
14. Get married in the temple.
15. Take my kids to Disney World.
16. Build my Dream House
17. Become a noble woman with confidence that comes from giving myself to the Lord.
18. Read the BOM every year.
19. Raise my children in truth and light.
20. Send my son on a mission.
21. Have all of my children married in the temple.
22. Belong to a family that LOVES to hang out together.
23. Live my life without regret.
24. Go to Hawaii with the man I love.
25. Take my kids to see the ocean.
26. Travel up the Oregon coast.
27. Give forgiveness.

This is just my beginning. Funny that my beginning is now in the middle, who knew? I am lucky, actually. Lucky that I get a second chance at the life I have always wanted. Not everyone gets that.

My Crazy, Beautiful, Messed Up Life.

As this year comes to a close I have many regrets and even more what ifs. Marjorie Pay Hinckley said:

"There are some years in our lives that we wouldn't want to live again.

But even those years will pass away and the lessons learned will be a future blessing."

I know all things happen for a reason. I have seen the tender mercies of the Lord through all of this. I have grown closer to Him in these months than in my entire life. I have learned to use the atonement more fully in my life. I have been blessed by the kindness of others. I have become a better Mother. I am more aware of the needs of my children and because of this I am more attentive. So although I would never choose to live this year again, I can already see the blessings.....

I have learned much. What follows are the things I have learned:

*No one is in charge of my happiness but me.

*First breathe and after every so called disaster ask will this really matter later.

* I know time heals almost everything. So I just have to give time, time.

*What other people think of me is none of my business.

*However good or bad this situation is, it will change.

*My children only get one childhood.

*No matter how I feel I get up, dress up & show up.

*Whatever doesn't kill me really will only make me stronger.

*It is never too late for a second chance and this one is all up to me.

*When it comes to going after what you love, don't take no for an answer.

*Envy and jealousy are a waste of time. I have everything I need.

*Use the fine china instead of saving it for a "special" day. Today is THAT special day.

*Life isn't fair. But it is still good.

*When in doubt just take the next small step.

*Life is WAY too short to waste time hating someone.

*Cry.....it heals the soul

*It is okay to let your kids see you cry.

*Don't compare your life with others, you have no idea what their journey is about.

*Everything can change in the blink of an eye.

*Make peace with your past so it doesn't screw up your future.

*Over prepare & then go with the flow.

*If we all threw our problems in a pile & I saw all of yours, I would probably take my own back.

* THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

The Kiddos

Here they are: Grace 10, Olivia 8, & Cole 5.

Aren't they just spectacular? They are my sole focus. When I am with them that is all there is, me and these three. I get to have every other weekend to myself (which I have to admit is nice) but other than that it is me and them. It is exhausting but I am sustained by the Lord. They have had a difficult time with everything. An adjustment from all of us to weekends with their Dad is hard but they are resilient.
Grace seems to be having the hardest time. She was always a daddy's girl and so her struggle is more evident. Soccer had really been her saving grace. She can get all of her anger, frustration and aggression out on the field. I have to say that her soccer game has greatly improved. Grace is learning to cook and delights in baking cakes for everyone she can think of. She is in the 5th grade and has an amazing teacher who really loves her.
Olivia, my sweet Olivia. She is the heart of us all. She is sad sometimes but she has lost her self in service. She loves to help everyone. She has taken up piano and has real talent for it. Now if I could just get her to practice.
Cole. That is really all there is to say. He is abounding with life. He has shown his frustration with is behavior and it seems like most days it is a constant fight. Just when I think I might have to kill him he turns to me and smiles and says," I love you, MOM!" He still loves anything with wheels and even got a skateboard for his birthday.
When I watch these kids I realize that although this path is hard, I am SO VERY blessed. They keep me laughing and thankful. What more does a person need?

WHEW! What a day.

My day:

Started out good.

9.4 down.

Ton to do.

Work, work, work.

Activity days @ my house.

Go to store.

Check engine light AGAIN!

Check out, no wallet.

You see where this is going.

Extreme frustration.

Some yelling.

Kids crying.

Hurt feelings.

*Breathe*

*Pray.*

Scriptures.

Kids bed.

Read comments.

Feel extremely blessed.

Surrounded by greatness.

Loved.

Not my plan.

But the plan is good.

THANKS!

Funny & True

If you want to feel good about your whole day, go into the closet and find your swimsuit. PUT IT ON! Then walk out and find a mirror, preferably a LARGE mirror. Nothing worse is going to happen to you all day. *chuckles*

My Sea Change

What is a sea change? I wondered the same thing. A sea change is a drastic transformation and this is exactly what life has given me. One day I am walking around worrying about what to wear to a party or reminding myself we need batteries. And suddenly I am unraveling lies, deceit and hurt. And my world has suddenly been divided into "before" and "after." Before it was we, a whole family and now it is I, just me. This awful, terrible thing happened and it has changed my life in ways, that if I had had a choice I am not sure I would have changed it. And yet, it has happened it is changed and I will never be the same. So what happens now? Where do I go from here? These are things I am still working on. There are a few things I have already discovered. The first is that the Lord is mindful of me. He knows of my sorrow and my joy and he is with me every step of the way. The second is that happiness is a choice. So, I choose happiness.