Is this too much to ask for?????

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heart beat....wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks your pretty without your makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you....The one who turns to his friends and says, "that's her."

Maybe I am too much of a romantic. Maybe this is too much to ask for or to hope to find. I mean I know no one is perfect especially not me but maybe the trick is to be almost perfect for each other. Who knows....then again I know couples who have this....who want to grow old together...who enjoy their family and their life together. I want this.

I'm Alive

Sometimes you find music that speaks to your mood and expresses your thoughts better than you ever could. Here is my latest.

Unniversary

I have officially been divorced for over a year. A couple of months ago I passed the year mark and I made up a new holiday, I call this my unniversary. As I passed my unniversary I tried to look back at all the useful things that I have learned. So here goes the list. (come on you knew it was coming)

My Unniversary List

1. Those platitudes that people say are probably true. Unfortunately what doesn't kill you does only make you stronger, who knew?

2. I can fail and do it big. Winston Churchill said, "Failure is not fatal, success is not final. It is the courage to continue that counts." I used to be afraid of failure but I have failed miserably and I am still alive, not without a few scratches but still alive. See previous post for music video, 'nuff said.

3. I will not be rescued by a prince. I will be my own rescuer (is this even a word?). No one is coming to save me. I had to save me and that turned out to be just fine.

4. I am strong! I am sure we all play the "what if" game. What if this happened? What if that happened? I always wondered when my "what if" came would I be strong enough? Would I be able to pull through? I found out that I would, could and did.

5. I would not be this strong without the Lord. Elder Anderson gave a talk last conference in which he said, " When your heart is broken but your spirit is strong. You have learned that hope, happiness and joy are not products of circumstance but of faith in the Lord. This is true! I know this because I am happy. Life is still good!

6. Betrayal might be worse than failure. I am undecided on this but I do know betrayal feels worse.

7. Happiness is a choice and I choose happiness.

8. Life is still way too short to waste time hating someone.

9. Life changes. Whether good or bad the situation will change. Just go with it you may find out it is better than what you wanted to happen anyway.

10. Sometimes you have to let go of the life you planned in order to have the life waiting for you. This was not in my big plan. This is not the life I chose however, this is my life. I only get one so I have to make the best of it.

11. Sometimes a beginning starts in the middle. This is my second chance and I get to decided what to do with it. Delicious ambiguity.

11. What other people think of me is none of my business. I worried a lot about what people thought about me at first. Then I decided it was just too exhausting to worry about it. So I stopped. It was pretty liberating.

12. We all mess up! Everyone makes mistakes. Life is messy. So, maybe we should try to be a little kinder to ourselves and others when we screw up big.

These are only a few things I have learned. I read somewhere that if you really wanted to get to know a person you should divorce them. I am not sure I believe that because while he is now a mystery to me I am no longer a stranger to myself. I think about this life I am living. How I am becoming the person I have always wanted to be. I will never again pretend to be someone I am not. I will be me, come what may.