I have been making plans for the future. I found a place to move. It is small but big enough for us. I also applied to USU and although there is so much to do I am excited about starting school again. Maybe this is why I am so anxious because the last plans I made didn't exactly work out how I had, well, planned. I move forward with a smile on my face and a future ahead of me. Most days I am fantastic and I feel like I can actually accomplish it all. Other days I feel overwhelmed, stressed and forgotten. I think this is normal?
In the midst of all of these torn emotions I have been praying. Perhaps for divine intervention. Perhaps to know the ending of my somewhat tragic love story. Whichever it is praying continually. It was in one of these discouraging, poor me, moments that I read about Hannah. The scriptures say that Hannah was a woman of "sorrowful spirit." It says that "she was in bitterness of soul" and prayed to the Lord. Hannah could not bear children and this caused her great sorrow. The scriptures also tell us that after Hannah prayed for children "the Lord remembered her." (1 Samuel 1:19) Hannah felt overwhelming grief because she could not bear children. I have felt overwhelming grief of another nature but still overwhelming. I know that the Lord will also remember me, Nicole, in my grief.
Our journeys are vastly different. Mine has held great joy and unspeakable sorrow. Much like the pioneers we have to pay a price to become acquainted with God. Am I willing to pay this price? You better believe it. The Lord knows what I need. He knows where I need to be and why. Would it be easier to pack up and move home? You bet. The absolute aloneness is sometimes crushing but for some reason I need to be here. In the long run it won't matter if our journey was filled with sunshine or heaping amounts of snow. It will only matter where that journey will lead us. My journey right now seems fraught with snow, broken wagon wheels and snake bites. In the end, though, I have to believe I will look back and be grateful for this difficult way.
Nicole, you inspire me! I'm glad there are things in your future to look forward to and urge you to move on. Are you going to do education at USU and are you still planning on working as well? You'll do great! You're strong.
ReplyDeleteyay for USU!! Does this mean you sold your house and where are you moving??
ReplyDeleteThe angles pushed those pioneers forward, they helped every step of the way. But the pioneers still had to be there, taking each step, pushing, climbing...and then woke up and did it again. That's where we are. Waking up each day and doing it again. You're amazing at how you are taking your future and running towards it. It's not about what we are going through, but how we use it to get to where we want to be and need to be. What a woman! You rock trial sista!
ReplyDeleteYou are very inspiring for me too! I try to think of the little things in January, such as, the sun was out today (it's usually cloudy here in the winter), and it's not dark at 4:30pm anymore! I hope your plans for moving and returning to school work out for you.
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